Early Christmas Present

This cute, crazy girl earned 4th phase today!  Congratulations, Smashly.  This has been hard won, and you have put a lot of work and effort to get to this point.  So, with my heart in my throat, here's to your next big adventure:  High School!

Do you SEE that!!!

YIKES!

That was the very word I used last year after viewing my friends pictures from the 2011 St. George Relay.  I am so blessed that these fine ladies invited me to spend time with them and run 50 miles.  Last year, they picked me up from work at Welcome Home and we drove to St. George, making it just in time to pick up our race packets and then head over to Alicia's to get our stuff ready for an early race start.

Here we are at the start of the 2011 race, with me as the first runner.

I knew I was packing a few extra pounds last year, but it wasn't until I saw the pictures from this race that I really had the thought that it was time to get serious about losing some weight.

I like this picture from this years race a LOT better!  Notice how everyone else looks just as good as they did last year??  

This is the picture that changed my life: 

During the race this year, I felt like I could fly and I was very happy with my pace:

The beautiful ladies of Team Run Walk Crawl at the end of the 2012 St. George Expedition Relay.  Thank you Lauretta, Heidi, Alicia and Michelle for inviting me and letting me share such a lovely time with true women who are wise, strong, healthy, spiritual, kind, and generous!

In the midst of it all, patiently waiting to wade through...

This has not been a banner year for writing on a blog.  Worlds collided on April 19, 2012 when we had to take drastic measures to save the life and soul of our  youngest child.  For the first 6 weeks, we were limited to 7 minutes with her on Thursday nights at Family Support Night.  Thursday's became the new Sunday...the start of a week of counting down days until we could see our baby girl again and talk with her, tell her we loved her, and give her a hug. I kept a "while you were gone" journal so that she would know what we were doing in our everyday life while she was learning how to live again.  Looking back over the early entries to the journal, a definite pattern emerged:  from fear, to blame, to anger, to questions, to feelings of failing our child, and slowly--s.l.o.w.l.y- insights into what we as individuals and collective members of our family needed to change and work on to become whole and healthy.  As a couple we have felt so very alone.  Friends have been incredibly supportive, kind, loving, generous--everything that they have absolutely needed to be for us, we are so blessed to know and love so many wonderful people--but in all reality, we have had to labor through this in a very lonely place.  I can't help but think of the Savior, in the final moments of the atonement, having to face and labor through on his own...his disciples were not even able to remain watchful and awake.  There are things in this earthly existence that can only be accomplished in the most private recesses of our hearts and soul, the inner battle between giving up or forging ahead in hope and faith.  This is truly turning your will over to God, which is without a doubt the hardest thing that has been asked of me.  As hard as this process has been for me, it is nothing compared to what has been asked of our darling, wonderful, incredible daughter.  She has had to dig down deep and face head on many disturbing, horrible truths.  She has had to work through and overcome fear, shame, heartbreak, pride--a body and soul damaged by the lies and manipulation of evil--and begin again to believe in God and herself.  She tells me that she put herself in situations that could easily have taken her life, and then she says in all confidence that she has a purpose in life and she has been saved and protected to fulfill this purpose.  Meanwhile, I feel as if my life is on hold.  I work during the days and then pick up girls and host them in our home at night.  We have progressed to a better, more fulfilling place with our daughter.  She is allowed to come home at night and spend time with our family and go on special permission activities.  She is an "oldcomer" now, with the responsibilities of looking after others that are new to the program.  She counsels them, gives them feedback,   helps them to understand and obey the rules and leads by example.  We have many daughters now, beautiful young women who have also been damaged by events and life choices.  But I remind each of them daily, and by so doing I am reminding myself as well, that they are magnificent daughters of a loving Heavenly Father who is very aware of them, their heartaches and struggles, their efforts to improve, repent, rebuild and realize their full purpose and potential. "We are daughters of a loving Heavenly Father who loves us, and we love Him."  One thing that I have learned without a doubt is that I am loved by my Heavenly Father.  Enough so that he is willing to leave me alone for a time as I patiently wait and wade through. "Can't go under it, can't go over it, have to go THROUGH it."

Two halves of a Whole

Steve sent me off to St. George for a much need mental wellness weekend.  Life and struggles had it's negative grip on me and I needed some time away from schedules and responsibilities to reconnect to my spiritual, mental, and physical side.  I spent time reading conference talks and the scriptures, attending the temple, running, petting Jesse (yes, she got to come too...she's my therapy dog!), cooking, watching old movies and laughing at sitcoms from yesteryear (Cosby's, Roseanne, The Andy Griffith Show--who knew that they taught so many good parenting skills??), shopping, painting frames and adding fun touches to the decor of our St. George house.  Meanwhile, Steve was holding down the fort back home, hosting girls from Lifeline with Madi, making Sunday dinner, and (every time I talked to him) cleaning the house/doing the laundry.  Literally, everytime I called home he mentioned how he was cleaning, cleaning, cleaning the house.  Wowsers, I should go out of town more often!  Even more pressing on my mind was the thought, "was our house really THAT dirty?"  Needless to say, I was very excited to come home to a sparkling clean home.  When I arrived home Sunday night, I was greeted with cleaned off kitchen counters and a humming dishwasher.  The Sunday dinner had been cleaned up and neatly boxed away in plastic containers in the fridge.  The bedroom was picked up and the bed made.  On the surface, everything was beautiful.  But, as I looked closer, I saw laundry baskets full of clothes...clean clothes, but not folded or put away clothes.  The next morning as I got ready for the day, I noticed that the toilets had not been scrubbed, bathroom counters, sinks and floors had not been cleaned.  Hmmmm, with I smile on my face I realized that Steve and I have very different cleaning styles:  he gets rid of the surface piles of junk, while I clean the dirt.  When I clean, he doesn't think or see clean, and obviously I was not seeing a complete clean when HE worked so hard to clean.  I love and appreciate his efforts, but now I know:  We are two halves of the whole job.  It takes both of us cleaning in our "complete" way to really complete the job.

Personal Private Victory

At the funeral of the late Stephen R. Covey, his family shared how he had made it a habit to spend at least 20 minutes in solitude, contemplation, and study of the scriptures at the start of every day.  He coined this his "personal private Victory." I feel as if the past months have been that for me.  Every day, I wake up to a new day filled with opportunity to continue in the habits I am trying to form, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually: weight training/hiking/running and eating healthy, job skills to learn and remember, putting into every day practice communication skills newly learned, praying for and loving my neighbors, family, friends and strangers. I am reading and trying to understand about having a heart at peace versus a heart at war. Every day I am trying to be true to the things that I know are right and appropriate.  How does that fit in with every thought and every deed?  How do I humble myself and allow Christ's atonement to work in my life? Every night I ask myself, what was good about the day and what was not so good about the day? If/when I find myself sliding down the path of comparison, I stop myself in my tracks.  For me, comparison and self pity are the most dangerous places for my thoughts to go. Instead, I remind myself that I have a Father in Heaven who knows, loves, and supports me.  He is the same Father to all I meet, therefore, I need to try to know, love and support them.  I am finding that anger and conflict leave when I can do that. And that has become my own personal, private Victory.

Love is the Key

Last month, Steve and I went on a little lover's adventure trip to Las Vegas and St. George.  I call it our little lover's trip because it was the first time in a very long time that we were able to go anywhere and focus on just the two of us and our relationship.  Although Vegas is not my favorite place, the hotel was paid for (thanks, Safeco Insurance) and we were able to see a couple of cool shows (Cirque De Soleil).  But, I have to say that the biggest highlight for me was seeing the Donny and Marie show up close and personal and shaking Donny's hand (thanks to my husband pointing to me when Donny began walking on the tables in the audience).  Oh my.  Be still, my heart.  What a fun show.  I was most blown away, however, by Marie's performance of Pie Jesu by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. I was so touched by her beautiful voice and the emotion with which she sang (she dedicates this song to her son who has passed away) that I wanted a personal recording to keep.  I found the song on one of the CD's that was being sold in the foyer after the show, so I purchased a copy and played it in the car on our drive to St. George.  While the music was playing, I started to read out loud to Steve what Marie had written in the CD notes about each song.  She expressed a very powerful testimony of the atonement of Jesus Christ, and many of the things she wrote were hard for me to read out loud because I was crying. What an emotional wreck I've become!  That's how much her words spoke to my spirit.  One of the things she shared were the words of her mother: "All the doors of oppression and misery would be unlocked if people would just be kinder to each other and remember, as one of the great commandments say:  'Do unto others as ye would have them do unto you.'  "Love is the key, Love can unlock all that our world needs." I am finding this to be true more and more each day.  Just love. Just forgive. Reach out a hand and lift up another.  A few weeks ago I was in a counsellor's office,  sitting  across from a boy who had hurt my daughter.  He is struggling with some hard things, and part of his treatment involved apologizing to our daughter and to us.  While he was talking, I was silently fuming inside--I had a lot of anger rolling around.  When the mediator turned to us to allow our response, I was so grateful that I held my tongue while Steve talked to this young man.  As Steve continued to talk, I calmed down and I felt the overwhelming thought that there was nothing I could do to punish this boy that he hadn't already done himself.  He was hurting.  He was beating himself up.  When it came to my turn to talk, the only words that came to my mind to express to him were words of love.  I told him that he was greatly loved by his Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He was one of their masterpieces.  I told  him that I forgave him and that I loved him and wanted only the best for him.  The crazy thing is that while I was speaking these words, I meant it all!  The anger, the hurt, the great dislike for this boy was completely gone!  I truly wanted only the best for him.  I wanted him to know that he was greatly loved.  My daughter also told this boy these same things...that she forgave him.  The doors of oppression and misery were unlocked that day in that room, in my heart and hopefully in the heart of that young man also.

Daughters

Saying Good-bye to Emma.  We love you!

When Steve and I had our first daughter, and then another, and then another, and then another, we pretty much thought that we better learn how to work with and raise girls.  I learned how to do hair, we braced ourselves for prom dress shopping and wedding planning.  We not only had our own four girls, but they had their friends over so then we really would have a houseful of girls....girls beget more girls, we found out!  Now we have the honor and privilege of working with a group of beautiful young women who are not only learning so much about themselves, but also teaching others and teaching me and Steve as well.  Teaching us how to show compassion, love, patience, honesty, forgiveness...and seeing the true beauty within each and every soul.  I am learning how to see with God's eyes, the unconditional love that we always read about...the pure love of Christ.  These beautiful young ladies are our daughters too.  We pray for them, worry about them, hope for them, support them, feed them, talk with them, laugh with them and admire their strength to do very hard things.  We have seen several go on to bigger and--hopefully, prayerfully--better things.  We send them off with tools in their handbag of tricks to pull out and use against unhealthy triggers and patterns of thought and action. We watch them advance, and sometimes get setback...two steps forward, one step back--but always, one step at a time.  Keep on moving, keep on moving...forward.  Let go, and let God.  Sometimes they leave because they have graduated the program.  Yeah! We are so happy and excited for them.  Sometimes they leave because of other reasons, and we have to let them go with our love and confidence in their abilities ringing in their ears.  We give them our phone number and make them promise to call us if they get in trouble or need help in any way.  And then we trust, and pray, and love.

A River Runs Through It

Last week Steve and I were invited to join in on a river trip with a young women group that Ashley's been working with all summer.  We went up to Jackson Hole to run a section of the Snake River. While it was relatively mild, there was a rapid that managed to spill at least one person from all three of our boats.  Steve was having such a wonderful time that he was totally unaware of the gal behind him going overboard.  When we saw these pictures, I was laughing so hard at the look on his face...it is one of pure joy!

It was so great to spend three days hiking, camping, swimming, talking, singing and goofing off with these girls!

We love all of them (this is only about half the group) and they have brought a lot of love and happiness into our lives.

Lessons learned from the river:

If you fall overboard, we will pull you back in.  We will lift you up from your shoulder straps. We've got your back.

You have to listen carefully to the guide to know when to dig in deep with your paddle, and when to rest.  He will tell us when to paddle, and when not to paddle.  Meanwhile, he is watching the flow of the current and is guiding us to a proper placement to safely run through it.  Listen to the guide, he knows the way!

Some rapids are bigger when there is more water, and some are bigger when there is less water.  We cannot control the level of the water, but we can control where in the river flow we are.

These were just a few things I thought about in connection with life.  I thought a lot about the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

These days, I'm trying to operate with that in mind, and with this:

Just love them.

Taking the Birthday Back!

Birthdays are to celebrate the specialness of someone and to let them know how grateful we are that they were born and are a part of our lives.  This wonderful girl had that taken away from her last year, so as a family we are helping her Take the Birthday Back.  In our house, we do Birthdays.  We start early with breakfast in bed and a shower of gifts and well wishes.  We give lots of hugs and loves and "it's your Birthday, hey, hey, hey" songs.  We try to get the birthday person to wear the Birthday Hat, but that seems more like a punishment, so we don't do that anymore.  We have the dinner of their choice, and homemade cake and ice cream (also of their choice).  The whole extended family comes to help celebrate and give notes of love.  Everyone deserves one day during the year where THEY are celebrated and feted.  We love this girl.  She is someone I greatly admire and look up to.  I am in awe at her strength and bravery.

Awesome
Sparkly
Hilarious
Loving
Entertaining
Youthful

I love that you still love to snuggle with your stuffed animals, hang out in your sweats and slippers, give the best hugs.  You are my precious baby, now and for always.  Love you, Ash!

"I Foted!"

When Ashley ("Jonesy") was about three years old, she went with her daddy to the polling location and "helped" him fill out his ballot.  She was so excited to get that sticker, and proudly told everyone that she "foted." As a little girl who couldn't pronounce her r's, it sounded like she was unashamedly owning up to passing gas.  We all got a chuckle out of it, and subsequently tucked her word seamlessly into our family's vocabulary.  Today, Steve and I were sitting on the couch watching t.v. when a news blurb came on about the low voter turn out.  We looked at each other,  put on our shoes and raced down to City Hall and literally walked through the doors at 7:59 p.m. to exercise one of our precious rights as citizens of this great country.  WE FOTED!  In the hallowed words of our brother-in-law, Treion...."I LOVE AMERICA!"

Sleep Over

Kelsey called me on Monday, begging me and Mads to come down to Provo for a sleep over.  She is so lonely without Covey.  It's extra lonely after coming home from spending nine days with him in Oregon.  This Summer Sales job is HARD.  But Covey is doing great, and he is providing for his family.  At my daughters plea, I couldn't help but want to go spend the night with her.  After work on Monday, Madi and I packed an overnight bag and headed to Provo, arriving just in time to meet Kelsey for some Indian food at The Bombay House and then going back to her place to change into our hiking clothes. After all of the good food, I was feeling a need for a good work out for my bum and legs.  I was really glad that my girls were willing to indulge me.  I had forgotten how steep the trail can be going up Y mountain.  By turn 5 (out of 11) Madi was feeling a little sick and was worried about the Indian food making an appearance.  We soldiered on, and were rewarded with a spectacular view of the valley bathed in the receding rays of early twilight.  We sat on the white washed rocks of the Y and talked about life and where it had taken us and where it was heading.  We talked about Ashley, who is on her own journey to redemption, healing, happiness and new found self.  We talked about Markelle and the turn her life has taken.  We talked about school and Adam (Madi) and potential babies (Kelsey) and dads and dogs.  The words continued as we worked our way, carefully, down the trail in the dark.  When we reached Kelsey's house, we cleaned up, got into our J's and snuggled altogether in Kelsey's bed to watch some episodes of "Once Upon a Time."  This will definitely have to become a frequent tradition, at least while Covey is away.

Another Perfect Day

Once upon a time, Steve and I were invited to what we thought was a "symbolic betrothal religious ceremony" between our second daughter, Markelle and her boyfriend, Tahir.  He is originally from Sudan and, while not a practicing Muslim himself, his extended family back in Sudan is very much so.  When they saw pictures of him on facebook with a girl, they immediately started calling and asking if he was married and not one bit happy to hear that he wasn't.  In an effort to satisfy the relatives and keep the peace, Tahir and Markelle discussed having this ceremony performed for them by the local Imam.  Tahir met with Steve to explain the ceremony, and Steve took this meeting as an "asking for the hand of your daughter" pre-engagement type of  talk, which meant that it lasted for abount two hours.  Within a week of that talk, we received a phone call from Markelle inviting us to the home of Tahir's mother so that we could meet his family, break bread with them, and be there for what we thought was a simple "formality" to satisfy the Sudanese relatives.  We had a lovely meal and visit with Tahir's family (they are fabulous) and soon the Imam showed up and got down to business of filling out some paperwork.  As we sat with our daughter on one couch, the Imam began to talk to Tahir while sitting with him on the opposite couch.  They were discussing certain points of the "contract" but when the Imam mentioned the dowry, Steve and I looked at each other with a "holy cow, what have we gotten ourselves into" look.  Dowry?  No one mentioned having to come up with a dowry.  I was in the middle of thinking "eight cows, nine?  What's appropriate here?"  when the Imam sensed our confusion and immediately explained that WE don't pay the dowry, TAHIR does--as a bride price.  It's something that he commits to pay Markelle.  AHHHH, okay. I wish we had that little tradition in OUR culture! So far, so good.  Things are going well.  Once the dowry question was settled, the Imam than proceeded to say the words on the piece of paper he was holding, while having Tahir repeat them.  He turned to Markelle and did the same thing with her.  Meanwhile, I was respectfully sitting on the couch next to her thinking, "hmmm, this is not so different from our culture.  This is okay."  Next thing we know, the Imam winds the whole thing up with the words, "I now pronounce you Husband and Wife, " while Tahir's mother ululated from the chair she was sitting in.  Steve and I were a little in shock as we looked each other and realized simultaneously that Markelle and Tahir--at least in the sight of Allah--just got married! I turned to the Imam and asked exactly what had just happened.  He was a little concerned that maybe he had done something that we weren't on board with.  After insisting that we were fine, but just wanted a little clarification on the event, we realized that for all intents and purposes the two kids were indeed married.  All that was left to do was to get a marriage license from the State of Utah, bring it to the Imam to sign and it was legal according to the government of the United States.  Tahir's sister kindly asked if I would like her to paint my hands with henna, which I immediately agreed to. I was actually glad that she asked, because it gave Steve and I a chance to spend the evening with Tahir's family and get to know them better.  We left their home feeling at peace with Markelle's new situation, and with her being a part of Tahir's family.  They were very kind and funny and wholesome and we enjoyed a beautiful evening with them.  The following week, we held a BBQ at our home so that Tahir's family could meet our family.  It also gave our family a chance to share in the excitement of Markelle and Tahir's new life together.  After much talking over the past couple of weeks, we have convinced the two to have a Christian ceremony as well, and a reception so that all of their friends and family can celebrate with them.  A date has been set (August 25, 2012) and the plans are being made.  We went dress shopping last Saturday and Markelle found her dream dress.  We had a wonderful day together, trying on beautiful gowns and talking about marriage and her new life.  She's a  happy girl, and I was a happy mom to be able to share a perfect day with her.

The Big Trip

I've had a secret yearning for some time, and that is to see Mt. Rushmore.  It's weird, I realize, but I thought it would be so much fun to road trip it to the Black Hills and see this impressive sight.  My trusty travelling companion, Madi, was game.  Our big plan was to leave early Saturday morning, drive for about 9 hours to Gillette, go to church the next morning and then head off to see the awesome sights of Devil's Tower and then on to Rapid City, SD.

Saturday morning came, and I got up extra early to fit in a workout at the gym.  When I got home, Steve and I started talking about the trip and for fun I jumped onto a travel site to see what the cost would be to fly.  Next thing I know, Madi and I are headed out to the airport to catch a flight to Gillette, WY.

Our road trip turned into a 2/3 Planes, Trains, Automobile trip!  After picking up the rental car and heading off to see Devil's Tower, I turned to Madi and told her how glad I was not to be driving 9 hours across the Wyoming high plains.  This was definitely a better way to go.  We drove towards the Devil's Tower with much anticipation, as we turned to corner we almost couldn't believe it:

It was very impressive up close and a little other-worldly.  I can understand why it fit so well in the movie "Close Encounters."

After buying some Rocky Road Devil's Tower fudge for the road, we headed off to Rapid City, stopping in the little towns such as Leads, Deadwood, and Sturgis along the way.  We also pulled into a funny little flea market just outside of Rapid City.  They had several tents of "stuff," including one tent full of animal by-products (fur, fangs, turtle heads, rattle snake fangs, etc--kind of creepy).  Once we got settled into our hotel in historic downtown Rapid City, we went out to dinner and then headed up to see Mt. Rushmore, just as the clouds that had been gathering closed in even lower and unleashed a torrential rain storm.  We were hoping to catch the night showing of Mt. Rushmore, but because of the weather, we turned back.

The next morning dawned bright and sunny.  I went for a quick run, and then Madi and I attended a local ward and after we headed off towards Mt. Rushmore.  This time we were able to see it clearly and we loved learning about how it was carved.  It is quite the impressive story of patience and perseverance.

We went on to see the Crazy Horse Monument, which is even larger, but a looooong way from being complete.  We spent the day in the Black Hills, and then came back to Mt. Rushmore for the evening program that they put on.  I was glad we did.  It was very moving and patriotic.

On Monday, we took our time getting ready and then we explored the down town area and the cute shops.  There is an alleyway behind our hotel that is completely covered with colorful graffiti.  I thought it was ingenious for the city to have something such as this where artists and taggers could hone their craft without destroying the property of others.  It was actually very beautiful.

In the late afternoon, Madi and I headed back to Gillette, where we enjoyed a yummy dinner at a Mexican joint, went hot tubbing and watched old timey sitcoms on t.v.  The next morning we caught our little plane back home.  We had a great time talking and exploring this beautiful part of the country.

Congraduations!

June 1 was a very auspicious day....

Our third Woods Cross High School Graduate:

Miss Madeleine Mordue

We had a wonderful dinner with family who could attend:  both sets of grandparents, Adam, Markelle, Tahir and her mommy and Daddy

Woods Cross did things a little differently this year.  Instead of having the girls wear white, the powers that be decided that it would look "classy" to have the girls in red, with the boys in navy.  Unfortunately, Madi looked like she was crashing the Bountiful Graduation.  Adam graduated earlier in the day from his school, so we got them both wearing their robes. 

Woods Cross also made the graduates turn in their robes before they would give them their diplomas.  Because we cut it so close on the time, Steve was busy parking the car while I was trying to round up Markelle and Tahir and meanwhile, Madi had already gone into the building.  Which means:  no pictures with the graduate in her robe...boo!  But, isn't she cute in her dress and lei?

Congraduations (Adam's word), Madi!  We are so dang proud of you!

Okay, I Will Check Off This One...

Steve and I were honored to be invited to celebrate Madi at her graduation from Seminary.  She was thrilled to earn her four year certificate, especially because this past year has been a challange.  Way to persevere, Madi...I'm proud of you!

Motherhood, Redefined

As I was sitting in the Marriott Center last month, watching my oldest daughter receive a hard won college diploma, my friend (and my daughter's Mother in Love) leaned over to me and said, "You can check that off your list."  Knowing her, all of her children will graduate from high school (check), serve a mission (check), go to college (check), graduate from college (check) and get married in the temple (check).  As a teen-ager I believed in the lessons my Young Women Leaders taught.  I had faith in the things I learned in church, and my belief system was well grounded and strengthened over the years.  I grew up, I went to college, I got married in the Temple to a wonderful young man who served a mission.  We started a family and were blessed with four beautiful daughters.  I was living the dream, and the lessons of my teen years were unfolding before my eyes.  As a family, we prayed and played together.  As a mother, I encouraged and supported each daughter in whatever pursuit they chose:  dance, ice skating, acting, swimming, soccor, horseback riding, painting, tennis, running, cheer leading, tumbling, singing, violin, piano, flute.  Different daughters at different times took these different lessons. Some stuck with it, others tried for a time and moved on.  Meanwhile, I was checking off my list:  learn to read (check), times tables mastered (check), Baptism (check), Faith in God (check), Prom (check), Young Women Recognition (check), Patriarchal Blessing (check), High School graduation (check), married in the Temple (check), graduate from college (check).  But while I was checking off the list with the first child, it began to be clear that there was a very strong possibility that not all of my daughters would follow MY checklist.  Many tears were shed, and feelings of failure were faced before I realized that I was trying to create mini-me's.  I am ME.  Each of my daughters are individuals who are choosing their OWN path, some which are very different than mine.  I look at the dangers and heartache that are a part of their journey and wonder why they would ever choose that way, but never-the-less they have and now, as their mother, the only thing I can do is LOVE them, encourage and support them where I am allowed and give counsel when needed.  Of course, the hugs are always in abundance and freely given.

A New BYU Alumni

There she is, BYU's latest Alumni.  She will forever be tied to that school, and she will enjoy many years of phone calls when they call asking for donations.  BUT, oh how proud we are of her!  

It was such a wonderful day for Steve and I to share with Kelsey.  She has been a huge blessing in our lives, and it has been so much fun to be her parents.  Her Mordue and Van Horn grandparents joined us for this special occasion also.

We are also very grateful that she is a part of the wonderful Cole family.  The Coles have been so supportive of her and her educational endeavours and have shared in the excitement of her graduation with us.  Dave printed up beautiful graduation announcements and Maria organized a dinner at her parents house in Provo for all of us.  They were wonderful hosts and are incredible parents to Kelsey and Covey.

Banner Day

Plus:

I was pretty excited when, almost 3 months to the day, I walked into Four Pillars and had my measurements retaken.  I'm a little embarrassed at the numbers of my starting point, but quite proud of myself for sticking with the program and hanging in there, because I was very happy with the numbers today:

Do you see that?? Almost 14 lbs just in body fat lost!  What did I do to celebrate?  I took five of my favorite skirts to Chay's to be altered...those dang things keep falling off of me!  Oh, and I let myself have a little piece of my friend's coconut birthday cake from Plate's and Palates.  Now, back to savoring my water and fresh fruits/veggies.

Was it Worth It?

It's a really good thing that I do not battle compulsions to drink or do drugs, because honestly I would fall of the wagon regularly.  Fortunately, my battle is with white flour, butter and sugar, and therefore a little easier to fight.  After logging in a lot of running miles last week (5, 7, 9, and 11 respectively) and having a deficit in my caloric intake on all four days of running, I did not feel one bit badly about buying a sugar cookie (with WARM frosting, mmm) from Swigs on my way out of town.  As I ate it slowly, savoring every morsel of buttery, vanilla-flavored sugary goodness I asked my self:  "was it worth the 11 miles I just ran?"  The answer, most resoundingly was, "Oh Yeah!"  See?  Off the wagon (but at least running along next to it...teeheehee)

Right on Track

Today while folding towels and wiping bums at the assisted living center where I work, I had a moment of self pity wash over me as I realized that I am about 25 years behind where I should have been.  Most people start off as a CNA as a stepping stone to the bigger, better, more glorious profession of nursing.  I do it just for fun.  I thought about all the young girls I work with who are going to college, will probably get married within the next 5 years and then start their families.  In mid-lament, I realized that the reason I am a CNA NOW is because I had my family first, and enjoyed being a young mommy to four beautiful girls, starting with this one:

Happy Birthday, baby girl!  Thank you for making me a first time mother 23 years ago.  I am right where I need to be:  a young mom with grown and almost grown children who has the priviledge of working as a CNA because I think it's fun.

Patience and Endurance

Words of Wisdom, as quoted by a Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson:

"A Yard is hard,

but an inch is a cinch."

On Matt's 41st birthday, he gave himself an incredible gift:  he successfully crossed the finish line of his first 100 mile race, beating his anticipated time of 24 hours by a half hour.  He came in 12th out of 52 runners.  I am so proud of my baby brother!

What a great example to his two boys, Asher and Spencer.  This race, like so many hard things in life, are accomplished inch by inch, with patience and endurance, as well as the required preparation.  There are a great many life lessons to be learned from training for, and completing, an event such as this 100 mile run.  Look at him!  He looks so happy!

I have had to remind myself, over and over, to be patient with my current quest to eat right, get back into shape, and meet my weight loss/body fat goals.  Sometimes I get so mad when I step on the scale and it doesn't read what I think it should, especially after some great workouts.  Usually that's when Steve, or Jody, or Reid will reassure me that I am on the right path, that my body is slowly changing and transforming.  Now that I am eating better, and including weight training into my physical exercise routine, I have gained a whole new appreciation for the wonderful body that Heavenly Father has blessed me with.  I love having body systems that work and function properly: legs that run and lift, a core that supports everything that I do, arms that "perform all that is required for good." I love having lungs that work, and a heart that pumps at a good, steady beat.  I sleep better, my mind seems more focused and clear, and I feel a calmness.  When I get a little discouraged, especially when I see massive weight loss in others who are going the "quick fix" route, Reid reassures me that for true, sustainable weight loss you have to EARN IT.  I think that is an eternal truth that applys to anything worthwhile in life.

Celebration of a Life

Heavenward they float

Messages of love in pink

for our Lily girl

At 5 p.m. on March 9th, if you looked up into the sky over the Salt Lake Valley, from Farmington to South Salt Lake, you may have seen a battalion of pink balloons released in honor of Lily's 3rd birthday.  The Mordue family and their ward released balloons in Farmington, while the John Henry Smith Insurance family released them in Bountiful and Salt Lake, and the extended Smith Family released them in South Salt Lake.  I'm pretty sure there were balloons sent up in the Arizona sky as well, from the Farr Family.  It was a special moment, followed by beautiful words from Lily's mom, Kim, and then we all helped plant a tree next to Lily's grave in Farmington...a flowering plum.

Half way there...

This morning when I stepped on the scale, I did a big Toyota jump.  I'm halfway to my goal weight.  Summer and swimsuits and running skirts...bring it on!

100

It started off as an idea germinating in my head after I saw what Madi gave Adam for Valentine's Day:  100 hearts filled with things that she loved about him.  Then I saw that my friend Alicia did a similar thing for her husband, and I know from what he told Steve that he absolutely loved it and was touched by the things she had written.  Could I come up with 100 things I loved about Steve?  I knew I could, but how do you put feelings and a sense of things into words.  I love Steve for so many reasons.  So on Friday, while at work, I started with one text:

Reason #1 of why I love you:  you work hard to provide for your family.

And throughout the day, I sent him another one and another one so that by the end of the day I had texted 100 reasons.  Some were funny, some were sexy, some were heart breaking reminders of carrying each other, some were sweet and tender.  I reminded him of things that he had forgotten, and of things that he thought I had forgotten.  Throughout the day, I pulled back the layers of time in my mind and revisited 26 years of time together.  It made me even more in love with him than I realized.  And so grateful that I am his and he is mine.

Let Her Eat Cake

I woke up this moring to this email:

Dear Karen, 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

This is the only acceptable day you can have cake. Better enjoy it! :) We wanted to let you know how much we appreciate you. Enjoy your day! 

Your favorite people, 

The boys at Four Pillar Fitness 

There you have it:  permission to eat cake.  I'm calling Plates and Palates right now to see if they have any coconut cake today!

So, what have I done so far today to celebrate being 45?

Let's see....I woke up at 5:22 a.m. to let Jesse out to go potty, and then I was wide awake, so I woke up Steve to cuddle and talk with him.

I took a quick shower and got ready for the day at 6:45 a.m. and then got back into bed.

Breakfast in bed at @ 7:20 a.m., opened presents from Steve and girls (LuLu Lemon, running watch, movie passes and a flour sifter).

Temple with Jody at 8:00 a.m.

Walk/Run hill at 9:30 a.m.

Workout with Reid at 11:00 a.m.

Lunch with Jody at noon.

Tub and dressed for the day (for reals, this time) at 1:00 p.m.

Dinner tonight with the family.

I love birthdays!

The Face of 45

I could've written for t.v./movies

My kids hate to watch movies with me.  I talk too much and I always guess what's going to happen next.  I laugh out loud and embarrass them.  When I watch t.v. shows (like "Say Yes to the Dress" or "American Idol") I can't keep from critiquing the performance, or commenting on how incredibly unbelievable some people are.  If I watch NCIS with Steve, I always know who the murderer is and then we will look at each other and I say, "I'm telling you, I could write this show."  Most of the time I try really, really hard to keep my mouth quiet, but without much luck.  It comes spewing out.  You probably would not enjoy going to the movies with me.  Which is sad, because I LOVE movies.

Beginning of the Birthday Season

Markelle's Birthday in January officially kicks off the year of Birthday celebrations.  I'm just two weeks after (February) and Kelsey is two months exactly from Markelle's day (March).  Then comes Steve (May), Ashley/Gma Van Horn/Dandad (August), Covey (September), Gpa Van Horn and Madi (November), and Bam (December).  Adam's is in April (I'm not sure when Trista's is), so if we celebrate his Birthday in the future, than we have just about every month of the year covered.  We are still looking for a June, July and October.

Markelle's favorite restaurant is Sawadee in Salt Lake, and it has been the place to meet for her celebration for the last three years.  They are used to us bringing in our own homemade cake.  They keep it in the fridge in the kitchen for us and then serve it up along with their attempts at singing the Birthday song.

Adam and Madi

Bam and Dandad

Gma Van Horn and Markelle

Ashley, Dandad and Bam

Markelle and her room mate, Trista

Mom and Dad (we are too young to have a 20 year old!)

Getting ready to blow out the candles